Being a mom is not my sole mission and purpose here on Earth. Being a mom is not my only reason for being. Being a mom is NOT my entire identity.
Was that triggering to read coming from a momma!? If so, sorry not sorry!
For a good majority of my life, I didn’t want to birth my own children. I wanted to be a “successful” business woman, spend 8-10 years in university, be independent AF and then MAYBE adopt a kid down the road. I had everything lined up to live that life, then I met my husband.
My husband comes from a family of 6 siblings. We talked about our hopes and dreams early on and he always wanted children of his own, for as long as I knew him. Things moved pretty quick for us, we bought our first house at 19 & 20, got married less than a year after that and got pregnant a month later - on purpose! He had turned my life upside down in the best way and showed me a totally different life than what I thought I wanted for myself. 9 months later I had my daughter, Violett, and I was thrilled to be her momma.
That moment, my life changed forever. Eat, sleep, breathe Violett. My entire existence revolved around being her momma. My identity had become just that - a mom. Nothing more. Nothing less. I lost myself somewhere in the midst of all of it.
I plugged into a mom grid - what it meant to be a mom, societies views and projections in my field about how to be a good mom, how important it was to put my child before all else, how I had to carry and present myself regardless of what I was feeling internally. The pressure I put on myself was unrealistic and unhealthy. I was depressed, didn’t know who I was or wanted to be and didn’t know who to turn to or how to properly express myself. My doctors would do a postpartum depression quiz on me each visit for months after the I had Violett and I would lie because I didn’t want to feel the judgements of others about not being able to pull myself out of this slump I was in. I didn’t want to believe it was happening to me. I just kept trying to tell myself that I should be happy. I had no reason to be so broken.
About 6 months after I had Violett, I felt called to learn more about reiki. I studied it and it quickly pulled me out of my depression. I was learning how to release and manage my energy and emotions in a healthy way. From there, I began making crystal jewelry and wanted to use my knowledge of crystals and their healing properties to help others. Eventually, I had to go back to working full time out of the house. It was “the right thing to do” financially because we now had a child to support. I wanted so badly to get my business going so that I could work from home and do something I loved, but again, I felt the pressure and projections of society and allowed them into my field. I had so many limiting beliefs in my field about what I was and was not capable of and I wanted to do the right thing to be able to contribute, financially, to our family in a more reliable and stable way.
Our family was called to move back to Prince Albert, everything aligned when we began the process of moving and it felt so right. Shortly after, we got pregnant with Love. The pregnancy was tough in more ways than one and the kid still doesn’t sleep through the night but MAN do I feel blessed AF to have these two girls as my soul family to join me on this journey. The healing they have brought into my life has been INCREDIBLE.
Love being born triggered a new awareness in me, which brought me to the point where I am at now - having my own business and helping others in a way that lights me up. Both of my girls have brought different things forward for me and both are polar opposites of each other with so much to offer this world. But why did I continue to feel so “bleh” when I was so blessed?
I had spent years trying to be something I wasn’t. The picture perfect mom, the cool mom, the trendy mom, the chill mom. When I wasn’t “successful” at it, I felt immense guilt and remorse. Am I not good enough? Is there something wrong with me?
The problem was, I was continually trying to fit into a mold. A mold projected into my field from societies (including our own families - that is why this awareness is so key for all and NOT just momma’s) points of views, beliefs etc. why couldn’t I be all of those things and more? Even better, why couldn’t I just be authentically ME?
I spent so much time being something I wasn’t and about a month ago, I realized that I no longer wanted my entire identity to be revolved around being a mother. I want to be all the things. I want to change my mind, change my style, wear clothes that make me feel good, embrace my new body since giving birth to two gorgeous souls, change my parenting style to fit the needs of my kids, do what feels right for my family without fear of judgement, express myself creatively without trying to fit in a box (ewe, limiting!) and so much more!
SPOILER ALERT: I am doing all of the things now and couldn’t be happier. I have unplugged from the wounded mother grid and other collective beliefs surrounding what it is to be a mother. How freeing!
I am Brooke - a business owner, a wife, a support and guide, a visionary, a creator, a lightworker, a healer and an awesome fkn momma to some awesome kiddos. I may no be the “perfect” mother, but with the help of my children I am continuing to learn, heal and grow to be the perfect mother to them!
I am all the things. I am everything. I am nothing. I am whatever the hell I want to be. I am ME.
This is an open invitation for you to do the same. To embrace your authentic self. To be who you need to be. To love what you do and how you do it, not just regarding being a momma. Stop allowing society, societal norms, family, friends, past lives etc. dictate how you live your present life. Free yourself from the limiting beliefs and do YOU. Step out of the box. The opportunities are endless.
If this triggers you and makes you feel some type of way, that is your trigger to work through. Be sure to recall all projections, expectations and judgements you have.
HAPPY MOMMA’S DAY!
Zen Momma Lightworker
“love, light and a little less bullsh*t”